Living in the Frozen North, as I do, I vaguely remembered someone at work saying, “Better get home before the snow!” This thing I did, but then I turned around and went back again… ALL FOR THE TAKE! The roads weren’t actually too bad, but this movie sure was. With the lowly expectations I went in with, I guess you could say it delivered. Also, I had to watch it in 3D for some reason, probably so they could make an extra $5 off this turd.
I had hoped Eveldine and Taylor, the guys behind a movie series I thought was alright– Crank, might deliver with some good action and some good tongue-in-cheek ridiculousness. They didn’t. The action was mostly lame, probably at least partially courtesy of the PG-13 rating. That kind of begs the question, should movies about vengeful angel flaming bike riders from hell really be aimed at the PG-13 crowd? About 35 times more gratuitous violence and action might have made the film tolerable. On the humor front, I giggled once or twice, most often at the performance put in by Ciaran Hinds. I’m starting to wonder if these guys are only good if they’re making a Crank movie, as their other films include clunkers Jonah Hex and Gamer.
On the acting front, Nicholas Cage continued to prove that he’s not even able to play a caricature of himself. He was over the top, I guess, but whatever. He was also old and uninteresting. Idris Elba played some weird french priest bounty-hunter-like guy. He had an extraordinarily bad French accent and liked wine, or something. The rest of the cast was completely forgettable, with the exception of Ciaran Hinds. I thought Hinds was hilarious. A good actor, he was able to camp this thing up into the stratosphere.
The special effects were also not a high point. I can’t compare to the first film, but the Ghost Rider looked unimpressive in this movie. He did a lot of swaying and strange jerky head movements that made no sense to me. The effects kind of reminded me of Army of Darkness, a vastly superior and lower budget older movie. In case there’s any chance that seems like a compliment, it’s not. I have no idea why this movie was 3D, it barely took advantage of the technology. The best part of this movie, from a 3D standpoint, was the Amazing Spider Man preview. Ghost Rider is supposed to be some kind of motorcycle guy, and while the motorcycle was fairly coolish it didn’t appear much. There was some swinging of the chains and some soul sucking also, but these didn’t impress. The only notable film making device was the use of animation to suggest the comic book origins of the material. By and large these were some of the better parts of the movie I thought. Oh, also there was a part of this movie set on Tatooine for some reason, only the Jawas were man-sized and tattooed.
This movie was bad. I can’t even say, go see it and make fun of it to have a good time. It won’t work. Stay away.