Tag Archives: hasbro

Review: Battleship (2 stars)

Posted by Dustin Monk on

If Battleship wasn’t as terrible as expected, it’s most probably because what was expected was a glaring, gigantic miss. And, by far and large, Battleship does miss; it just doesn’t miss as horrendously as it could have.

Take, for instance, the opening scene in which Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) tries to impress a girl at a bar by finding her a burrito in five minutes after the bar’s kitchen has closed down. He ends up robbing a convenient store in a manner that is actually pretty funny. If the whole movie had gone like this and not treated the subject (an alien invasion…on water only, I mean, what?) as seriously as it did, the film may have worked out better. A little tongue-in-cheek goes a long way. But for all that, the rest of the movie failed to deliver on what tiny shred of potential from the opening scene.

However, the end of that same opening scene is indicative of the entire movie: instead of being prosecuted for robbing a convenient store or, at least, spending the night in jail (okay, he did leave money on the counter…and a lot of damage to shelves and the ceiling), Hopper is told by his older, wiser brother that in order to gain responsibility for himself and for others he, Hopper, is going to join the Navy. So Hopper does what older brother – who is also (surprise!) in the Navy – asks. A year goes by and Hopper is a lieutenant? Oh, and the girl he robbed a convenient store to get a burrito for? Yeah, she’s the Admiral’s daughter…and they’re engaged. The point is: everybody gets off easy in Battleship; no one has to face the consequences of their actions.

There are some really hilarious-but-probably-not-on-purpose scenes: incorporating the board game into the movie was outlandish, the aliens were your run-of-the-mill lizard-like folk (and if this had been full-on tongue-in-cheek B-movie zone, I would’ve been fine with that), the way the explosions blow you up one way then draw back and blow you up the other, and the ridiculous side story involving Hopper’s fiance (who is totally forgettable as a character, by the way, and thus I have no idea what her name is – not that Hopper isn’t either, but it’s so close to Topper from Hot Shots! I can’t not remember it) and a wounded vet.

And yet. Despite all of Battleship’s typical Hollywoodness, despite the fact that it reminded me of 2012 and Transformers and everything that is bad in action movies, I still kind of had a good time. If, for no other reason, because I could laugh.

Review: Battleship (2 Stars)

Posted by Charlie Truong on

Battleship suffers from the same fate as the Transformers movies.  It needs to be trimmed down and has a very unlikable lead character.

Taylor Kistch, from this year’s John Carter movie, stars as Alex Hopper, a no good bum.  We are introduced to this unmotivated freeloader not once but three times at the start of the film.  Each time, it’s reinforced that he lacks discipline and does not think about the consequences of his actions.  So, of course, he ends up with a supermodel girlfriend, played by Brooklyn Decker, who also happens to be the Admiral (Liam Neeson)’s daughter.  Oh, and aliens attack using radar blocking devices.

The aliens and their technology make little sense (as much as alien technology can be logical). The ships that invade Earth seem exclusively to be maritime. That fits in the confines of the movie, but why would a superior alien force limit its invasion to ocean-going ships? That’s a pretty big assumption for the aliens to be making. Additionally, it’s a big stretch to have us believe our normal Earth weapons could do much damage to these invaders. A big deal is made out of the aliens’ radar blocking technology, yet once our standard missiles hit them, they take full damage?! I will not spoil what happens near the end, but this gap in tech becomes even more ridiculous!

Back to our main hero, do the filmmakers want us believe this low-life somehow made lieutenant shortly after joining the navy? There was nothing in the film to suggest he was ever leadership material. Our hero is a contrivance whose sole existence is to, well, exist for the sake of the mediocre story.

Some of these big-budget action filmmakers need to learn less is more. The film is easily twenty minutes longer than it needed to be, especially with the aforementioned multiple introductions of our “hero.” Instead of attempting to be more than what it was, it should have embraced the fact that it was a big dumb action movie. The aliens should have arrived much sooner than they did. The subplot involving the veteran amputee was unnecessary.

I enjoy explosions as much as the next guy. I just do not particularly enjoy them when wrapped in an illogical premise with bad characters.

Expectations: Battleship

Posted by Charlie Truong on

From the company (Hasbro) that brought you the Transformers movies comes…Battleship?  And somehow this board game-inspired movie includes aliens despite extraterrestrial lifeforms not existing in the original game?

I going to be quite a bit skeptical about this movie.  It looks like it’ll follow the standard Michael Bay formula with big explosions and slow motion scenes of people staring bewildered at the surrounding action.  I doubt Liam Neeson can prevent this Battleship from sinking.